Having Feelings Isn’t an Absence of Strength

“Feelings aren’t an absence of strength. I know this for sure. So why should I pretend to have a sense of humor just to allow someone else to take a shot at me?”

~ Gabourey Sidibe
Author, Actress, Satellite Special Achievement Award for Outstanding New Talent (2009), NAACP Image Award for Outstanding Actress in a Motion Picture (2010) & Independent Spirit Award for Best Female Lead (2010)

~

Lighting a Candle

“I have always loved the expression it’s better to light a candle than curse the darkness because it’s about hope.”

~ Roma Downey,
Actress, Producer, & President – LightWorkers Media

Good Gifts Shine Through

“Even when I was an Engineer, I was a Comic on my job. At birthday and holiday parties, I was the one scheduling and Emceeing. If you work on your gift, and you’re good, it will shine through.”

~ Loni Love
Comedian, Talk Show Host, Actress & Author

~

The Worst Engineer in America

“I used to be an Engineer, and I was the worst Engineer in the United States of America. That’s why I became a Comic.”

~ Loni Love
Comedian, Talk Show Host, Actress & Author

~

Walking Through Your Yard Like Super-Models

“And the deer in California have total amnesty ’cause they know no one’s gonna … and strap them to the front of a Ranger Rover and go downtown for a mocha. They walk through your yard like supermodels with hooves. Like, “Hi. Are these your roses? Oh my …, a deer fence!” [makes whooshing noise (like deer jumping the deer-fence to eat your roses)]”

~ Robin McLaurin Williams,
Actor & Comedian

Good-Looking English

“My English is not very good-looking.”

~ Celia Cruz,
a.k.a. Úrsula Hilaria Celia de la Caridad Cruz Alfonso
Singer-Performer (1950-2003), 80+ Albums & Songs Recorded, Gold Records (23X), Latin Grammy Awards (4X), Grammy Awards (5X), Hollywood Walk of Fame Star (1987), Guinness World Record Book (1987 Carnaval Tenerife – Islas Canarias, Spain), Yale University Honorary Doctorate of Music (1989), Celia Cruz Way Street Dedication (1990 Miami, FL, Calle Ocho Walk of Fame Star (1991), Golden Eagle Lifetime Achievement Award in Music (1991 Hollywood, CA), Hispanic Women Achievers Award (1992),
Desi Awards Favorite Film Actress (1992 Hollywood, CA), Encuentro Lifetime Achievement Award (1992 Washington D.C.), La MUSA de Oro Life Time Achievement Award (1994 Caracas, Venezuela), Billboards Latin Music Hall of Fame Award (1994), University of Panama Life Time Achievement Award (1994), Walk of Fame Star Amador Bendayan (1995 Caracas, Venezuela), Costa Rica’s Walk of Fame Star (1997), Galeria Walk of Fane Star (1997 Mexico City, Mexico), Hispanic Heritage Lifetime Achievement Award (1998 Washington, DC)
University of Miami Honorary Doctorate in Music (1999), International Latin Music Hall of Fame (1999)
New York’s Central Park Summer Stage (2002), Calle Celia Cruz Street Dedication (2004 Tenerife, Spain), Celia Cruz Way Street Dedication (2004 Union City, New Jersey), Guinness World Record Book Longest Working Career as Salsa Artist (2005), Celia Cruz Square Dedication (2005 Hollywood, CA) & United States Postal Service Commemorative Postage Stamp (2011)

~

Skydiving Isn’t for You If …

“If at first you don’t succeed… skydiving isn’t for you.”

~ Dilbert,
Comic Strip Character

~ Character via Scott Adams

 
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Class Clowning Cash

“You know, I was the class clown in Catholic school, but I never thought I would make a living out of it!”

~ Sofia Vergara
Actress, Television Producer, Presenter, Model, Imagen Foundation Awards (2011), NAACP Image Awards (2011),
Screen Actors Guild (2012), Glamour Awards (2012), Screen Actors Guild (2013) & People’s Choice Award (2017)

~

Scaring the Water

“I scare the water in the shower when I sing.”

~ Nancy Alcorn
Founder & President – Mercy Multiplied

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To Be

“Be silly. Be honest. Be kind.”

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson,
Essayist, Lecturer and Poet

~ Image via NAME HERE

Once They’ve Got You Violent, Then …

“When it gets down to having to use violence, then you are playing the system’s game. The establishment will irritate you – ‘pull your beard’, ‘flick your face’ – to make you fight. Because once they’ve got you violent, then they know how to handle you. The only thing they don’t know how to handle is non-violence and humour.”

~ John Winston Lennon,
Musician, Singer, Songwriter,
Record Producer, Artist, Writer & Activist

On the Defensive All the Time?

“You can’t be on the defensive all the time. Be on the offensive, like me. I’m the most offensive person in the world.”

~ George Jefferson
Dry Cleaning Entrepreneur
Portrayed by Sherman Hemsley

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Entering the Gates of Heaven

“I’m terrified about the day that I enter the gates of heaven and God says to me, “Just a minute.””

~ Maureen O’Hara
a.k.a Maureen FitzSimons,
Actress, Singer, Oscar Award (2014, Honorary),
Ireland-American Fund Heritage Award (1991), National Cowboy &
Western Heritage Museum Western Performers Hall of Fame (1993)
Hollywood Walk of Fame Star & Golden Boot Award

A Sense of Humor Helps

“If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.
A sense of humor reduces people and problems to their proper proportions.”

~ Canon J. John
Speaker, Storyteller, Evangelist, Social Activist & Author

~

Giving Birth

“Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.”

~ Carol Burnett,
Actress, Comedienne, Singer & Writer,

My Thighs are Covered!

“I have flabby thighs, but, fortunately my stomach covers them.”

~ Joan Rivers
a.k.a Joan Alexandra Molinsky,
Actress, Comedian, Writer, Producer,
Television Host & Emmy Award Winner

Hop from Shop to Shop

“So many stores all in one place, it brings a big smile to my face.
I love to hop from shop to shop, and buy and buy until I drop.”

~ Lisa Turtle
TV Show character acted by

~ Lark Voorhies,
Actress, Singer, Spokeswoman & Model

If Men Were Birthing Babies

“Let me tell you something: I salute womanhood worldwide, because women are exceptionally tough for enduring the misery of childbirth.
I’ve cleaned hogs and gutted deer, but in my experience on Earth I’ve never witnessed such a brutal event.
If men were in charge of carrying and birthing our babies, we’d have a lot fewer people on Earth,
because we’d only do it once- I can promise you that!”

~ Phil Robertson,
Professional Hunter, Businessman, & Reality Television Star

A Tool to Open the Heart

“I think that comedy is such a tool to open the heart, to loosen up the muscles, to loosen up the brain.
God knew how important it would be to laugh because He said it is a great medicine,
and when used properly, it is the greatest of medicines.”

~ Chonda Pierce,
Comedienne, Author, Philanthropist &
Co-Founder – Branches Recovery Center

Hockey, Basketball & Golf

“Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men.
Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.”

~ Tiger Woods,
Professional Golfer, PGA Tour wins (80), European Tour wins (40), Japan Golf Tour wins (2),
Asian Tour wins (1), PGA Tour of Australasia wins (1) & Amateur wins (21)

Climbing this Hill

“Very often, you know, you stop walking because you say,
‘Well, I’m tired of climbing this hill.
I’m never going to get to the top.’
And you’re only two steps from the top.”

~ Morgan Freeman,
Actor, Film Director & Narrator

Sand Curves

“We all have hourglass figures; your sand just settles in different places.”

~ Octavia Lenora Spencer,
Actress, Author,
Awards Recipient of BAFTA, Golden Globe, SAG,
Critics’ Choice, and Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress (The Help, 2011)

Hello, WordPress Friends(Family)! On occasion I’ll be posting family-friendly humor,
in addition to the other quotes, in hopes that the words of those quotes make you smile!

She’d Take Out Her Dentures …

““Boy, I remember on the farm, when we’d get depressed, Grandma could always cheer us up.
She’d take out her dentures and take a healthy swig of the aquarium and then hold a flashlight under a chin,
so we could watch the goldfish swim from cheek to cheek.
Boy, we could have watched them all day, but visiting hours were only from 10 to 4.”’
Make the most of it!”

~ Rose Nylund, The Golden Girls TV Series character acted by
Betty Marion White,
Actress, Comedian, Singer, Author, Producer & Radio Host

The Christmas Bush, The Hanukkah Tree

“Christians get trees. Jews get bushes. To stay in good standing with the Tribe,
you’ve got to refer to a Christmas tree as a Hanukkah bush.”

~ Alan Colmes,
Television Host, Radio Host, Political Commentator,
Writer, Blogger & Author

Kissing the Screen

“My first crush was Barry Manilow. He performed on TV and I taped it.
When no one was around I’d kiss the screen.”

~ Janet Jackson,
Singer, Songwriter, Dancer, Actress & Author