Giving Birth

“Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.”
~ Carol Burnett,
Actress, Comedienne, Singer & Writer,

My Thighs are Covered!

“I have flabby thighs, but, fortunately my stomach covers them.”
~ Joan Rivers
a.k.a Joan Alexandra Molinsky,
Actress, Comedian, Writer, Producer,
Television Host & Emmy Award Winner

A Tool to Open the Heart

“I think that comedy is such a tool to open the heart, to loosen up the muscles, to loosen up the brain.
God knew how important it would be to laugh because He said it is a great medicine,
and when used properly, it is the greatest of medicines.”
~ Chonda Pierce,
Comedienne, Author, Philanthropist &
Co-Founder – Branches Recovery Center

Climbing this Hill

“Very often, you know, you stop walking because you say,
‘Well, I’m tired of climbing this hill.
I’m never going to get to the top.’
And you’re only two steps from the top.”
~ Morgan Freeman,
Actor, Film Director & Narrator

The Fool

“You’ve got to learn to accept the fool in you
as well as the part that’s got it goin’ on.”
~ Tyra Lynne Banks,
Television Personality, Talk Show Host, Producer,
Author, Actress & Model

Still Not Retired

“I’ve retired so many times now it’s getting to be a habit.”
“I’m always announcing my retirement. I’m still not retired.”
~ Dick Van Dyke,
Actor, Comedian, Singer, Dancer, Writer, Producer, Author,
Tony Award (1961), Emmy Awards (5X), Grammy Award (1964),
People’s Choice Awards (1976), American Comedy Awards (1994),
Television Critics Association Career Achievement Award (2003) &
Screen Actors Guild Award (2013)

Achieving Beyond Slothfulness

“The kindest word to describe my performance in school was Sloth.”
~ Harrison Ford,
National Association of Theatre Owner’s “Star of the Year” (1994),
Empire Magazine’s #1 of “The Top 100 Movie Stars of All Time” (1997),
People Magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive” (1998),
Harris Poll’s “America’s Favorite Movie Star” (1998, 1999, & 2000),
AFI Life Achievement Award (2000), Cecil B. DeMille Award (2002), Hollywood Walk of Fame Star (2003), Jules Verne Award (2006), Saturn Awards for Best Actor (1981, 2015), Living Legends of Aviation Award (2009), Experimental Aircraft Association’s Freedom of Flight Award (2009), Wright Brothers Memorial Trophy (2010) & Al Ueltschi Humanitarian Award (2013)

Like Golf During an Earthquake

polo players & quote by Sylvester Stallone
polo players & quote by Sylvester Stallone: “Playing polo is like trying to play golf during an earthquake.”
“Playing polo is like trying to play golf during an earthquake.”
~ Sylvester Gardenzio Stallone,
Actor, Screenwriter, Producer & Director

Owe it to Spaghetti

“Spaghetti can be eaten most successfully
if you inhale it like a vacuum cleaner.
Everything you see I owe to spaghetti.”
~ Sophia Loren
a.k.a Sofia Villani Scicolone,
Actress,
Best Foreign Actress BAFTA Award, Best Actress Academy Award,
César Award, Golden Ariel Award,
& Grammy Award

Snoop’s Scoop

“When I’m not longer rapping,
I want to open up an ice cream parlor
and call myself Scoop Dogg.”
~ Snoop Dogg,
a.k.a. Calvin Cordozar Broadus, Jr.
Rapper, Singer, Songwriter, Film Actor, Voice Actor,
Entrepreneur, Investor, Record Producer & Television Director,

Ford, Wilder, Pryor, Presley & Norris All at Once

“When I was 8,
I thought I was
Harrison Ford,
Gene Wilder,
Richard Pryor,
Elvis,
and
Chuck Norris,
all at once.”
~ Dwayne Douglas Johnson,
a.k.a. The Rock,
Actor, Author, Founder of the Dwayne Johnson Rock Foundation & Professional Wrestler

In the Middle of January!

“My most embarrassing moment was when I was a student at Tufts University
and decided to go ‘streaking’ with a group of girls in the middle of January.
Somehow I lost them and ended up being chased by the campus police.”
~ Meredith Vieira,
Journalist & Talk Show Host

Catching Up with My Own Image

“I became a larger than life figure for one reason only.
When you’re quoted in the ‘Wall Street Journal’, the ‘New York Times’,
constantly as the expert in the business, people assume you’re a lot bigger
than you are. And then I had to run like hell to catch up with my own image.”
~ Barbara Corcoran,
Businesswoman, Investor, Speaker, Consultant, Syndicated Columnist,
Author & Television Personality.

A Wishbone, Backbone & Funny Bone

“To succeed in life, you need three things:
a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.”
~ Reba McEntire,
Singer, Songwriter, Actress, Record Producer, Grand Ole Opry (1986),
Grammy Awards (3X), & Country Music Hall of Fame (2011)

I Can Listen to Myself, Now

“I’m my worst critic,
and I like the fact that I can listen to myself, now,
and make fun of myself, listen, make changes –
‘Oh, man, that’s messed up. Okay, I need to work on that;
I need to work on this.'”
~ Mary J. Blige,
Singer, Songwriter, Record Producer & Actress,
Grammy Awards (9x), Multi-Platinum Studio Albums (8x),
Founder – Matriarch Records, Fragrance – Melodies by MJB,
Fragrance Foundation FIFI Awards (2x), World Music Awards Legends Award (2006)
& ASCAP Voice of Music Award (2007)

Longer-Lived Than the Academy

“I just realized something, I’m older than the Academy,
plus 4 months, maybe 5.
I’m very proud of that.
Just keep moving!”
~ Eva Marie Saint,
Academy Award (1954), Primetime Emmy Award (1990),
Golden Boot Awards (2007), Hollywood Walk of Fame Stars (2X),
Ft. Lauderdale International Film Festival – Lifetime Achievement Award (1999),
Savannah Film and Video Festival – Lifetime Achievement Award (2000),
San Luis Obispo International Film Festival – King Vidor Memorial Award (2004),
& 2nd Annual BTVA Voice Acting Awards – Best Female Vocal Performance (2012),

A Tarzan Yell at B.G.

“I was once asked to do my Tarzan yell at Bergdorf Goodman,
and a guard burst in with a gun!
Now, I only do it under controlled circumstances.”
~ Carol Burnett,
Actress, Comedienne, Singer & Writer,

Like a Boy Named Sue

“My name, my real name, is Tracy.
I always thought I was like a boy named Sue.
So I made my friends call me ‘Tray.'”
~ Ice-T
a.k.a. Tracy Lauren Marrow,
Musician, Rapper, Songwriter, Actor,
Record Executive, Record Producer & Author

Dressed to Kill, In My Own Mind

“Your kids can say some cruel things to you at times. For example,
Nicole, Miles and Sofie are standing there in the room and
I’m dressed to kill in my own mind.
They’ll say to me,
‘Dad, you’re not going out there looking like that are you?’
If that doesn’t kill a star, I don’t know what does!”
~ Lionel Richie,
Singer, Songwriter, Actor Record Producer,
Pianist, Saxophonist, Breast Cancer Activist,
Grammy Awards (4x), Golden Globe Award (1986) & Academy Award (1986)

Diapers: 30 Seconds Flat

“I can change a diaper in 30 seconds flat.
I set the new one beneath the old one.
That way, it’s just wipe and pull the flap over.”
~ Drew Brees,
Quarterback – San Diego Chargers (2001–2005) & New Orleans Saints (2006–Present),
Super Bowl champion (XLIV), Super Bowl MVP (XLIV),
Pro Bowl (11× – 2004, 2006, 2008–2014, 2016, 2017),
Sports Illustrated Sportsman of the Year (2010),
Walter Payton NFL Man of the Year (2006),
Author, Businessman, Philanthropist & Co-Founder – Brees Dream Foundation

Like a Chocolate Bee Gee!

“My worst hair experience was when
I was trying to relax my hair
and my grandmother did it.
It went all straight
and I looked like a black Bee Gee.”
~ Jamie Foxx,
a.k.a. Eric Marlon Bishop
Actor, Singer, Songwriter, Producer, Comedian, Classical Pianist,
Cellist, Academy Award (2004), BAFTA Award (2004), Golden Globe Award (2004)
Image Award (1998, 2006, 2009) & American Music Award (2006)

Another One When I’m 80!

“I have a feeling, when I’m 80 years old,
I’m going to get a phone call: There’s going to be another ‘Rocky’.”
~ Talia Shire,
Actress

The Soul of a Singer

“I have the soul of a singer and do splendidly in the shower but the world will never hear it.
Basically, I’m the only Irish person who can’t carry a tune.”
~ Roma Downey,
Actress, Producer, & President – LightWorkers Media,

The Ability to Laugh at Ourselves

“American people have the ability to laugh at themselves.
It is one of the things that makes this country the great country that it is.”
~ Desi Arnaz,
a.k.a. Desiderio Alberto Arnaz y de Acha III,
Actor, Musician, Television Producer, Author,
Hollywood Walk of Fame Stars (2x) & Golden Globe Award (1956)

Non-surgical Lifting & Separation

“I hope they invent a machine in which you type in the age you want to be,
and it lifts and separates everything nonsurgically.”
~ Sandra Bullock,
Actress, Producer, Entrepreneur,
Founder – Fortis Films & Philanthropist

You HAVE to Write Them Back

letter-writing-pen-leave-2163257_1920
“It’s weird because my parents don’t really understand my business.
I get fan mail all day long, but if a piece happens to get to their house,
they’re like, ‘Oh, my God, you’ve got a fan! You have to write them back.
You have to do it!'”
~ Idris Elba,
Actor, Musician, Entrepreneur – DJ

The First Thing She Saw

“My mother says I didn’t open my eyes for eight days after I was born,
but when I did, the first thing I saw was an engagement ring. I was hooked.”
~ Elizabeth Taylor,
Actress, Businesswoman, Humanitarian, Philanthropist, Founder – House of Taylor, Academy Award (1960, 1966, 1992),
BAFTA Award (1966, 1999), Golden Globe Award (1960, 1985), New York Film Critics Circle Award (1966) & Screen Actors Guild Award (1997)

Especially if They Were a Female Alien

“If I had to describe myself to an alien
I’d say, “I was bigger than the average human,
enjoy a drink or two with a good meal
and have a bigger head than most.”
I’d also say, “I’m really handsome.”
– especially if they were a female alien.”
~ Dwayne Douglas Johnson
a.k.a. ‘The Rock’,
Actor, Author, Professional Wrestler,
& Founder of the Dwayne Johnson Rock Foundation

Laughing at Obstacles

“Don’t take yourself too seriously. Know when to laugh at yourself,
and find a way to laugh at obstacles that inevitably present themselves.
~ Halle Berry,
Actress, Model & Film Producer

The Movie He Didn’t Like

“I phoned my grandparents
and my grandfather said ‘We saw your movie.’
‘Which one?’, I said.
He shouted, ‘Betty, what was the name of that movie I didn’t like?'”
~ Brad Pitt,
Actor, Producer, Entrepreneur & Philanthropist

Far As I Can Tell …

.
“Far as I can tell, I still have most of my hair,
my gut is not hanging over my belt,
and I still have all of my teeth.”
~ Sir Sidney Poitier, KBE
Actor, Director, Writer & Diplomat
British Academy Film Award Winner, Academy Award (Oscar) Winner,
Knight Commander of the Order of the British Empire (KBE),
Golden Globe Cecil B. DeMille Award Winner & Grammy Award Winner

Written on The Stone

“It will be written on my tombstone in very large letters,
‘Here lies Hikaru Sulu,’
and in very tiny letters, ‘aka George Takei.’
I don’t protest the inevitable. ”
~ George Takei,
Actor, Author, Voice Artist, Director & Activist

Behind, The Applause

“My mother used to tell this corny story
about how the doctor smacked me on the behind when I was born
and I thought it was applause, and I have been looking for it ever since.”
~ Kathleen Doyle “Kathy” Bates,
Actress, Director, Academy Award for Best Actress,
Golden Globe Award for Best Actress & Emmy Awards (2 Wins, 14 Nominations)

If There’s a Bear CUB …

“When I was in Greenough, Montana, I came across a bear cub. I was off this path, and I thought,
“If there’s a bear cub, that means there’s a mother bear somewhere nearby.”
So, I doubled back. If I’d kept going,
I’m sure they would have eventually found my sneakers, and that’s about it.”
~ Al Roker,
Journalist, Weather Forecaster, Actor,
Television Personality & Author

Complex, Generous, Beautiful & Driven

“I was a personality before I became a person –
I am simple, complex,
generous, selfish,
unattractive, beautiful,
lazy and driven.”
~ Barbra Streisand,
Singer, Songwriter, Actress, Filmmaker & Philanthropist

The Kind Nobody Thought Could Make It

“I was the kind nobody thought could make it.
I had a funny Boston accent.
I couldn’t pronounce my R’s.
I wasn’t a beauty.”
~ Barbara Walters,
Broadcast Journalist, Author,
Daytime Emmy Awards (1975, 2003, 2009)
NAACP Image Award – Best Talk Series (The View, 2009)
Women in Film Crystal + Lucy Award (1998)
Paul White Award, Radio Television Digital News Association (1985)

To Be a Better Cook

“My daughters think I am a terrible cook, but I try really hard.
I would really like to be a better cook.”
~ Alex Rodriguez,
Professional Baseball Shortstop/Third Baseman:
Seattle Mariners (1994–2000), Texas Rangers (2001–2003), New York Yankees (2004–2013, 2015–2016)
All-Star (14x: 1996–1998, 2000–2008, 2010, 2011), World Series Champion (2009), AL MVP (3X: 2003, 2005, 2007),
Gold Glove Award (2X: 2002, 2003), Silver Slugger Award (10X: 1996, 1998–2003, 2005, 2007, 2008),
AL Hank Aaron Award (2001–2003, 2007) & Grand Slams with 25.

Muppets Can Be Gorgeous, Too

“I’m odd looking. Sometimes I think I look like a funny muppet.”
~ Angelina Jolie,
Actress, Filmmaker, Humanitarian, Academy Awardee,
Screen Actors Guild Awardee (2X) & Golden Globe Awardee (3X)
Honorary Dame Commander of the Order of St Michael & St George

Twenty-year Old Boxes!

“Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society.
We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.”
~ Erma Bombeck,
Humorist, Syndicated Columnist, Author & Writer

Friends, Family, Good Health & Louboutins

“At Thanksgiving, I always start at the top of my list
and say I’m grateful for friends, family and good health.
Then, I get more superficial… like being thankful for my Louboutins.”
~ Christie Brinkley
a.k.a Christie Lee Hudson,
Super-Model, Actress, Artist,Author & Entrepreneur
~ Have a blissful Thanksgiving celebration! I am grateful for you and your ‘follow’. Thank-you!

Be Amphibious?

“My high-school coach Tony Reginelli was kind of famous for ‘Reggie-isms,’ kind of like ‘Yogi-isms.’
He always said if you want to be a good quarterback, when sprinting left you want to be amphibious and throw left-handed.
I told him, ‘You mean ambidextrous, coach?'”
~ Peyton Williams Manning,
National Football League (NFL) Quarterback (1998 – 2015 /div>

Laughing at Yourself

“One thing that I am proud of: I am really capable of laughing at myself.”
~ Penelope Cruz,
Actress, Model, Philanthropist, Clothing Designer, Academy Award (2008),
Empire Award, Goya Award, BAFTA Awards, European Film Award, & Hollywood Walk of Fame Star,

The One ‘Never-Answered’ Prayer

“The only time my prayers are never answered
is on the golf course.”
~ William Franklin “Billy” Graham, Jr.,
Evangelist, Orator, Author, Radio Broadcaster – Hour of Decision,
Founder – Billy Graham Evangelistic Association,
Founder – Christianity Today, Founder – Decision, &
President – Samaritan’s Purse

A Child’s Perspective

“I make jokes about it, but it’s the truth that I kind of patterned my look after the town tramp.
I didn’t know what she was, just this woman who was blond and piled her hair up,
wore high heels and tight skirts, and, boy, she was the prettiest thing I’d ever seen.
Mamma used to say, “Aw, she’s just trash.”,
and I thought, “That’s what I want to be when I grow up. Trash.”” .
~ Dolly Rebecca Parton,
Singer-Songwriter, Actress, Author, Businesswoman, Humanitarian,
Grammy Awards (8X), Grammy Nominee (46X), Academy Award Nominee (2X),
Country Music Association Awards (10X), Academy of Country Music Awards (7X),
American Music Awards (3X), & Country Music Association’s Entertainer of the Year Award
Hello, WordPress Friends!
I hope this bit of humor has
made you all smile!

One’s Perspective

“It’s your outlook on life that counts.
If you take yourself lightly and
don’t take yourself too seriously,
pretty soon you can find the humor
in our everyday lives.
And sometimes it can be a lifesaver.’
Make the most of it!”
~ Betty Marion White,
Actress, Comedian, Singer,
Author, Producer & Radio Host
born January 17, 1922 – Active, still

The Manicured, Romantic, Happy Believer

“I believe in manicures.
I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick.
I believe in pink.
I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner.
I believe in kissing, kissing a lot.
I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong.
I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls.
and
I believe in miracles.”

~ Audrey Hepburn,
Actress and Humanitarian

Intuition & Femininity

“God gave women intuition and femininity.
Used properly, the combination easily jumbles
the brain of any man I’ve ever met.”
~ Farrah Fawcett,
Actress, Artist. Emmy Award (4X) nominee
& Golden Globe Award (6X) nominee

Nailed It!

“My nails are my rhythm section when I’m writing a song all alone.
Some day, I may cut an album, just me and my nails.”
~ Dolly Parton,
Singer-Songwriter, Actress, Author, Businesswoman, Humanitarian,
Grammy Awards (8X), Grammy Nominee (46X), Academy Award Nominee (2X),
Country Music Association Awards (10X), Academy of Country Music Awards (7X),
American Music Awards (3X), & Country Music Association’s Entertainer of the Year Award
Hello, WordPress Friends!
I hope this bit of humor has
made you all smile!

,

Laughable, Uproarious Goals

“If people are not laughing at your goals,
your goals are too small.”
~ Azim Premji,
Businessman & Philanthropist

The Butter-Stick

Butter, Butter Popsicle, Butter on a Stick,
“The new specialty at the Iowa fair this year is FRIED butter on a stick.
Of course, if you’re like me and you want like to eat healthy, get your stick of butter BAKED.”
~ James Douglas Muir “Jay”  Leno,
Comedian, Actor, Writer, Producer, Voice Actor,
& Television Host The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (1992–2009, 2010–2014)
The Jay Leno Show (2009–2010)
~ Image via NAME HERE

Announcing You!

“I decided that I would be one of the biggest new names; and I actually had some little fancy
business cards printed up to announce it, ‘Count Basie. Beware, the Count is Here.'”
~ Count Basie
a.k.a William James Basie
,
Jazz Pianist, Organist, Bandleader, & Composer

Armed & Fabulous

“The entire Spring and Summer line from Marc Jacobs
was stolen on the way to the fashion show in Paris.
The thief is considered armed and fabulous.”

~ James Douglas Muir “Jay”  Leno,
Comedian, Actor, Writer, Producer, Voice Actor,
& Television Host The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (1992–2009, 2010–2014)
The Jay Leno Show (2009–2010)
from The Tonight Show, November 17, 2011

Still Wearing Those PJs

(on acting with John Wayne)
“John Wayne was my father’s favorite actor,
and we went to the local drive-in theatre to see every one of his movies.
We’d have to wear our pajamas,
’cause we’d always fall asleep in the car on the way home,
and when I actually met “The Duke”
I had the strangest sense of deja vu,
like I was still wearing those pajamas.”
~ A Martinez
a.k.a Adolfo Larrue Martinez III
,
Actor, Singer & Daytime Emmy Award for Outstanding Lead Actor,
& ALMA Awards (2000, 2001, 2002), Red Nation Film Award of Excellence,
Red Dirt International Film Festival Award & Soap Opera Digest Awards (3X)

Doggy Eau De Toilette: The Toilet Water They Drink

clean, pretty toilet, white, Quote by Jay Leno, Pet Humor, Dog-breath Humor, mouthwash,
“If you don’t want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do:
Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.”
~ James Douglas Muir “Jay”  Leno,
Comedian, Actor, Writer, Producer, Voice Actor,
& Television Host The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (1992–2009, 2010–2014)
The Jay Leno Show (2009–2010)

A Mistaken Impression

“Scientists are complaining that the new dinosaur movie shows
dinosaurs with lemurs, who didn’t evolve for another million years.
They’re afraid the movie will give kids a mistaken impression.
What about the fact that the dinosaurs are singing and dancing?”
~ James Douglas Muir “Jay”  Leno,
Comedian, Actor, Writer, Producer, Voice Actor,
& Television Host The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (1992–2009, 2010–2014)
The Jay Leno Show (2009–2010)