Borrowing the Weather Forecast

“In college, I was a Weather Anchor for the local news. I would ‘borrow’ my forecast from The Weather Channel.”

~ Emily Proctor
Actress, Model, Volunteer, Activist, Bug Collector/Hobbyist Entomologist & Founder + Front – White Lightning Cover Band

~

The Worst Engineer in America

“I used to be an Engineer, and I was the worst Engineer in the United States of America. That’s why I became a Comic.”

~ Loni Love
Comedian, Talk Show Host, Actress & Author

~

Walking Through Your Yard Like Super-Models

“And the deer in California have total amnesty ’cause they know no one’s gonna … and strap them to the front of a Ranger Rover and go downtown for a mocha. They walk through your yard like supermodels with hooves. Like, “Hi. Are these your roses? Oh my …, a deer fence!” [makes whooshing noise (like deer jumping the deer-fence to eat your roses)]”

~ Robin McLaurin Williams,
Actor & Comedian

Your Day & The Corners of Your Mouth

“Your day usually follows the direction of the corners of your mouth; so, SMILE.”

~ NAME
Co-Pastor – Life Changers Church

~

A Lift for A Face & Mood

Photo by Julia Avamotive on Pexels.com

“A smile is like an instant facelift and an instant mood lift.”

~ Christie Brinkley
a.k.a Christie Lee Hudson,
Super-Model, Actress, Artist,Author & Entrepreneur

~

Skydiving Isn’t for You If …

“If at first you don’t succeed… skydiving isn’t for you.”

~ Dilbert,
Comic Strip Character

~ Character via Scott Adams

 
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A Symbol of Friendship & Peace

Photo by Shiny Diamond on Pexels.com

 

“Share your smile with the world. It’s a symbol of friendship and peace.”

~ Christie Brinkley
a.k.a Christie Lee Hudson,
Super-Model, Actress, Artist,Author & Entrepreneur

~

Entering the Gates of Heaven

“I’m terrified about the day that I enter the gates of heaven and God says to me, “Just a minute.””

~ Maureen O’Hara
a.k.a Maureen FitzSimons,
Actress, Singer, Oscar Award (2014, Honorary),
Ireland-American Fund Heritage Award (1991), National Cowboy &
Western Heritage Museum Western Performers Hall of Fame (1993)
Hollywood Walk of Fame Star & Golden Boot Award

A Sense of Humor Helps

“If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.
A sense of humor reduces people and problems to their proper proportions.”

~ Canon J. John
Speaker, Storyteller, Evangelist, Social Activist & Author

~

Giving Birth

“Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.”

~ Carol Burnett,
Actress, Comedienne, Singer & Writer,

My Thighs are Covered!

“I have flabby thighs, but, fortunately my stomach covers them.”

~ Joan Rivers
a.k.a Joan Alexandra Molinsky,
Actress, Comedian, Writer, Producer,
Television Host & Emmy Award Winner

Hockey, Basketball & Golf

“Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men.
Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.”

~ Tiger Woods,
Professional Golfer, PGA Tour wins (80), European Tour wins (40), Japan Golf Tour wins (2),
Asian Tour wins (1), PGA Tour of Australasia wins (1) & Amateur wins (21)

Climbing this Hill

“Very often, you know, you stop walking because you say,
‘Well, I’m tired of climbing this hill.
I’m never going to get to the top.’
And you’re only two steps from the top.”

~ Morgan Freeman,
Actor, Film Director & Narrator

Sand Curves

“We all have hourglass figures; your sand just settles in different places.”

~ Octavia Lenora Spencer,
Actress, Author,
Awards Recipient of BAFTA, Golden Globe, SAG,
Critics’ Choice, and Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress (The Help, 2011)

Hello, WordPress Friends(Family)! On occasion I’ll be posting family-friendly humor,
in addition to the other quotes, in hopes that the words of those quotes make you smile!

She’d Take Out Her Dentures …

““Boy, I remember on the farm, when we’d get depressed, Grandma could always cheer us up.
She’d take out her dentures and take a healthy swig of the aquarium and then hold a flashlight under a chin,
so we could watch the goldfish swim from cheek to cheek.
Boy, we could have watched them all day, but visiting hours were only from 10 to 4.”’
Make the most of it!”

~ Rose Nylund, The Golden Girls TV Series character acted by
Betty Marion White,
Actress, Comedian, Singer, Author, Producer & Radio Host

The Christmas Bush, The Hanukkah Tree

“Christians get trees. Jews get bushes. To stay in good standing with the Tribe,
you’ve got to refer to a Christmas tree as a Hanukkah bush.”

~ Alan Colmes,
Television Host, Radio Host, Political Commentator,
Writer, Blogger & Author

Kissing the Screen

“My first crush was Barry Manilow. He performed on TV and I taped it.
When no one was around I’d kiss the screen.”

~ Janet Jackson,
Singer, Songwriter, Dancer, Actress & Author

A Sense of Humor Can Save You

“It’s good to be able to laugh at yourself
and the problems you face in life. Sense of humor can save you.”

~ Margaret Cho,
Stand-Up Comedian, Actress, Fashion Designer, Author & Singer-Songwriter.

Legs Like a Little Pony

“I always had long legs. When I was young, I used to think,
‘Why do I look like a little pony?’

~ Tina Turner,
Recording Artist, Dancer, Actress & Author,

Earthquakes & Sleeping Pajama-less

“I used to sleep nude – until the earthquake.”

~ Alyssa Milano,
Actress, Activist, Producer, Singer & Comic Book Creator

Never on a Sunday

“Dan: “He told me Jackie thinks I’m like a god.”
Roseanne: “Well, that’s just ’cause you never do anything on Sunday.””

~ ROSEANNE
Dan Connor
Roseanne Connor
(Husband/Dad & Wife/Mom)

~ Image via NAME HERE

 

Hello, WordPress Friends!
I hope this bit of humor from
NAME and NAMEhas
made you all smile!

Still Not Retired

“I’ve retired so many times now it’s getting to be a habit.”
“I’m always announcing my retirement. I’m still not retired.”

~ Dick Van Dyke,
Actor, Comedian, Singer, Dancer, Writer, Producer, Author,
Tony Award (1961), Emmy Awards (5X), Grammy Award (1964),
People’s Choice Awards (1976), American Comedy Awards (1994),
Television Critics Association Career Achievement Award (2003) &
Screen Actors Guild Award (2013)

The Shoe Aisle

“Other than speaking, I love design, fashion, travel, outdoors, and anything that promotes healthy living.
Oh, and I do really, really love long romantic walks down the shoe aisle!”

~ April Osteen Simons ,
Speaker

Keep Me in Your Heart

“If there ever comes a day when we can’t be together,
keep me in your heart, I will stay there forever.”

~ Winnie the Pooh
Hollywood Walk of Fame Star (2006), Icons of England List (2006),
Cartoon Character
Created by Alan Alexander Milne

~

Achieving Beyond Slothfulness

“The kindest word to describe my performance in school was Sloth.”

~ Harrison Ford,
National Association of Theatre Owner’s “Star of the Year” (1994),
Empire Magazine’s #1 of “The Top 100 Movie Stars of All Time” (1997),
People Magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive” (1998),
Harris Poll’s “America’s Favorite Movie Star” (1998, 1999, & 2000),
AFI Life Achievement Award (2000), Cecil B. DeMille Award (2002), Hollywood Walk of Fame Star (2003), Jules Verne Award (2006), Saturn Awards for Best Actor (1981, 2015), Living Legends of Aviation Award (2009), Experimental Aircraft Association’s Freedom of Flight Award (2009), Wright Brothers Memorial Trophy (2010) & Al Ueltschi Humanitarian Award (2013)